Well, It's coming back again.

The feeling is coming back, I've tried to ignore it. I can't fight it, I'm totally lose to it. Today, the feeling disturbed me. I try to think positively. But after the informal assembly, I lost to it. I surrender.
I walk alone to my class, thinking of something. Something that I can't even explain myself what is that. There's too many things, mixed together. In that moment I was so lost. I don't know what should do. So I sat on my seat quietly. Without making a sound after the recess time was over.
When I backed to my lovely and stress-less home, I felt that, I'm really tired... Tired of this type of feeling. Feels like wanna cry, but I can't cry it out. When I was about to cry, the tears do not seem like wanna come out and comfort me... Just like they are telling me :"Darling, don't cry. You can make it through by yourself, you have to be more and more stronger !"
Well, I think this feeling is called stress... Though I'll never meet it, but now it had came and stealing my happy...
I think I know it comes from where... Comes from study, comes from friends, comes from parents and comes from myself...
Since last year, after I had a very big argue with my friend, everyday I felt so sad. Afraid of he will just disappear from my life. Many apologize I had made, and so far he didn't say that he still angry with me...
I think I've thought too much, just like what he said...
Come to my study, Form 4 do bring me a lot challenges... I use to be very happy last time and always free from stress that come from study, but this year, I had lost myself into the stress that bring by From 4. And now I'm so headache. I don't know where and what is the way I can release my stress. Share what's in my mind with friends? They seems like got no interested to it...
Nowadays my family especially my parent, keep on telling me that they have no money to let me go collage and I have to take scholarship... Their words are making me don't dare to get a bad result in my exam. I do pay more and more work on my study this year. I never felt so tired before....
The stress comes from myself, sometimes I felt funny of it. I know my personalities are not very good, and even can use the word "bad" to describe me. I used to tease people, and I've got a bit reckless on my words. I never be a thoughtful guy when I'm comment about people's things. I'd make a lot of people angry. According to my brother, this is the reason why I don't have many friends and perhaps there are some of my friends are hating me but still pretending happy when chat with me. Well, I admit that but I just don't know who are them.After that, I try to repair my bad things to a better stage. It's harder than I thought. My brainless personality always make me say out something that would make a dead volcano active again... I'm so sorry for that... But the "sorry" always comes after 1~2 hours...
Consequently, I'm totally disappointed to myself and sick of that feeling. Almost everyday I had to say sorry to at least one people... I am sick of it and so they too... So I think I better be silence and don't be so talkative... This is the way will make everything better... About the feeling... Nothing can do on it... Just let it be...

Am I? If I... Then Should I...

My bro told me, there is someone of my friends told him I am a proud guy. Well, I never think that I'm that bad inside people's eyes. I asked him, who is it? He refuse to tell me. Okay, I admit I was curious at that time, but now I don't. No point I know who is the person. Even if I know, so what? I can't do anything.
So, if I really that type a people, I think I mist make a change. So far I didn't be proud in front anyone, I know sometimes my words are irritating, but I'm not purposely.
My bro said I've got two faces, one is devil and one is angle, but he said the angle's face is fake one. I don't think so. I only have one face and I never pretend in front anyone. I used to be myself. Since he commented me about that thing, then meant that other people think that too.
I should make a change. No, should be changes. I've started since the starting of this year. It's not enough. I should make more. Suddenly I felt so lost. What is the thing should say and what is the thing shouldn't say, I don't know. I really don't know...

Am I wrong?

Feels like I was wrong. Cause seems like everything is still same. I shouldn't blame. Everything is turn back normal. Can laugh, Can play, Can joke, Can tease, Can scold.
haha, this is what I'm trying to search for about several months.
Hmm, feel so good.
So am I wrong for blaming? Nobody could tell me the answer, even myself
haha, just forget about it. If I really wronged, I say sorry to those who thinks that I was wrong. Sorry ! xD